Invite to an interview

Never casually extend an invitation to an interview. If possible, ask him to talk to you personally when he is alone. If he asks, don't give the reason. Instead say, for example: “Nothing bad, but I would like to talk to you about it in private.” Make an appointment for this - also so that you can prepare yourself. For example, before the interview, ask yourself:

• What could be possible reasons for the employee's intention to change?
• As a leader, what might I have contributed to this?

Because if, for example, you have (unconsciously) promoted the intention to change through your behavior, this influences the atmosphere in the conversation.

Conduct the interview in a place that guarantees quietness and confidentiality. And take your time, because such conversations often take an unexpected turn, for example when the employee tells you things you didn't know before.

Start the conversation with I-messages

At the beginning of the conversation, briefly share your thoughts and concerns with the employee, because he doesn't know the reason for the conversation yet. Avoid lengthy preambles, get straight to the point. Start the conversation with an I-statement; for example:

• “I've had the impression lately that you've been withdrawing. So I'm afraid you're mentally saying goodbye to us.” Or:
• “Our company is currently in a state of upheaval. So I'm afraid you may feel your job is unsafe and look for an alternative.”

Then express your regret if your fears are true: “I think that would be a shame because I value you as a person and as an employee and I would therefore like to keep you.” Then wait until the employee answers. Listen patiently to what he has to say to you. Ask comprehension questions as a maximum.

The possible employee reactions

There are four possible employee reactions to your request.

Reaction 1: The employee assures you credibly that your fears are unfounded. Then the conversation is actually over. Nevertheless, you should take the opportunity to put your employee relationship on an even more solid footing. For example, by saying: “I'm glad. Nevertheless, I ask you: seek a conversation with me in the future if something bothers you. As I said before, you are important to me as an employee.”

Response 2: The employee emphasizes that your fears are unfounded. But you don't believe him - for example because of his body language. This is often the case, as employees who are willing to change are usually reluctant to talk to their boss about their intentions as long as they have no job alternative. Even then you should emphasize that you are happy about this because the employee is important to you. You should then continue the conversation like a normal appraisal interview, for example by saying: “Regardless of that, I would be interested to know how satisfied you are with your work - after all, working for us (e.g. due to corona or due to the Ukraine war or due to digitization or low staffing levels) has been quite turbulent in recent times.” The aim here: to explore the potential reasons why the employee could consider changing employers in order to then possibly resolve them.

Response 3: The employee says he is considering changing employers. Then you should first thank him for his frankness and express that you regard this as a mark of confidence and that you will deal with the information accordingly. After that, ask him, “What can I or the company do to make you stay? Because, as I said before, you are a valuable employee.”

As their boss or supervisor, you can record the employee's wish list and comment carefully if an aspect is impossible to fulfill. Practice shows that a lack of appreciation, a bad working atmosphere and a lack of satisfaction at work are usually bigger problems than the salary when it comes to retaining highly qualified employees.

Response 4: The employee says he is determined to change employers. Even then, you should first thank the employee for his openness and explore motives for the change. Sometimes there are personal reasons: for example, an employee has fallen in love and therefore wants to move to another city. Then you can only wish him all the best. It is different if an employee says, for example, that a family member has become a nursing case, which is why they can no longer or do not want to do their challenging job. Then there is usually only the alternative of letting him go or exploring alternative options for work design or job alternatives  in your own organization.

The situation is different again if the planned change is justified by the current work situation, for example, the bad working atmosphere, the high workload, the bad pay or the low chances of advancement. Then, when an employee openly says “I'm leaving” even though he doesn't have a new job yet, he usually has a lot of frustration built up. It is correspondingly difficult to persuade the employee to stay. Nevertheless, you should try it with valuable employees - even if you then have to expect massive criticism of your management style and behavior, because dissatisfaction with the manager is a frequent reason for changing employers.

Exploring the conditions for a rethink

Listen to the complaints calmly, and then say something like, “I can tell you've got a lot of resentment building up.” The employee will probably reply “yes”. For example, you can reply, “I'm sorry I didn't catch up and talk to you about this sooner. Because for me you are a valuable employee and I would therefore like to continue working with you. Under what conditions could you imagine reconsidering your decision?”

So, after the employee has let off steam, try to steer the conversation into calmer waters - among other things by signaling your counterpart your appreciation. You should then try to work out with the employee under what conditions he could imagine staying loyal to the company and to what extent these conditions can be met.

Make a follow-up appointment

It is often not possible to reach an agreement on this in one appointment - be it because you still have to discuss with colleagues or superiors to what extent certain wishes can be fulfilled. Or because the employee does not yet know the answer to your question as to the conditions under which he could imagine staying. Then, towards the end of the conversation, you should first record the positive outcome of the conversation: “Nice, we're both still willing to talk.” Then you should jointly define in a protocol of the results who will do what by when with what goal, and arrange an appointment at which you can reassemble.

It is not uncommon for employees who are willing to leave to change their minds and be emotionally bound to the company again - especially if they feel genuine appreciation from their employer or supervisor in the interview and a real effort to fulfill their personal wishes as far as possible, as they know that there are always risks associated with a change of employer. That's why such an attempt is worthwhile, since every unplanned termination incurs high follow-up costs for a company - not only because of the then necessary search for a new employee and their training. The so-called “chaos costs” often weigh much heavier, because a (key) position is usually vacant for a long time.

The termination is already on the table

You can still hold interviews with employees if their termination is already on the table. But then you usually have to offer the employee significantly more than if he has not yet found a new job, so that he reconsiders his decision. Rightly so, because then you didn't recognize the changing signals in advance. Otherwise, the dismissal would not be on the table unexpectedly.

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